Saint filled friends

I know there are so many people supporting us right now that haven't been mentioned but please don't feel I am "skipping over" you or that your gifts and prayers mean less but I want to tell you about a gift I received last week that besides extremely looking forward to our vacation to Florida (we leave a week from Thursday! Squeal!) this gift is giving me incredible strength!
The short story is... Last week, my friend Amy and I met for coffee (gets me every time!) and she brought with her a gift from many of my favorite St. Gertrude mommas. Amy contacted many and they all got me their favorite Saint medals! Amy received so many, that I now have more than enough Saint medals for a necklace AND bracelet! These wonderful mommas also wrote me beautiful cards telling me why they chose the Saint(s) for me. LOVE! I can't tell you how much this means to me! It has given me such strength and an extra boost of Faith! I have been meaning to take a picture of them and the cards but have not had a chance. Thank you Amy! Again God is putting some amazing women/friends in my path. I am very blessed.
Speaking of strength, tomorrow is my third round of chemo (chemo 2.3) and I am asking for prayers please. Prayers that the anxiety I am already feeling will subside. Prayers that Dr. M will have the wisdom to know what anti-nausea meds to use next and that they WORK! Prayers for John to have the patience and strength to deal with a sick wife and 4 rowdy kids just starting Summer vacation. Prayers that the virus I had last week hasn't totally knocked out my immune system amd that my bloodwork is ok to even have chemo tomorrow.

Smooches, Kate

Happy and proud...

Yes, I have again missed Thankful Thursday... But truthfully, it is because of the many happenings from this past week have been so wonderful and uplifting, I am finding it hard to properly put my feelings to words.
Let's start with a week ago Thursday.
A fantastic surprise from our very good friends. New softball shirts designed by friends, purchased by my favorite tool and die company. For an impromptu gathering at Frickers ( kids eat free and yes, they probably lose money on us with all of our kids...but we all really try to make it up in beer!)because of a softball rain out, we all had a wonderful time. I really didn't turn a corner until that Tuesday and having our good friends surprise both John and myself that night did wonders for my mental and physical status!

Saturday, unexpectedly turned into one of the most memorable days and nights of my life. Our friend Jim- also, our best friends brother, was ordained a priest! While I have always felt lucky to be able to follow and pray for his process to this incredible event, I had no idea how profound this unbelievably Holy experience was going to be for me personally. His ordination mass was so beautiful, and an experience I truly underestimated. The music, the attendance, the cathedral, the words spoken and the clear abounding love for Jim (and the other man being ordained)from the congregation! I am still in awe. I really think every Catholic young or old, should attend an ordination. 

I didn't know that it is very special for a newly ordained priest to give you a blessing. While these pictures were quickly taken from Johns phone, I will cherish them and never forget Father Jim's words and blessing for me.

And then we celebrated like there was no tomorrow! It was a wonderful night!

 

I have thought and said out loud many times this week, I am very proud to be a Catholic.

Head above water...finally

Well, this post is already going to be rushed, so I will not be able to say everything I need in just one post! Please be patient with me. Wow, what a rough week. My birthday was so fun and wonderful thanks to so many! My flowers and cards and gift cards and texts and calls and emails just made my day! It was really fun turning 29 again! HA! Thank you so so much!
Wednesday, John and I headed to Indy to meet with Dr. M and my second round of chemo. I noticed that morning that I had a rash on my chest and kind of threw everyone into a mini-panic wondering what might be the cause- cellulitis caused by my "bad" lymph nodes in my chest going bonkers, a dermatitis from my chest being so...new ahem... Or the flip out... A different kind of breast cancer. Dr. M marked the borders of the rash and I went to see Dr. H here on Friday and she is confident it is just some sort of dermatitis! Thank you God. It is better and I am keeping an eye on it. I talked about how nauseous I was from my first round and we added another long lasting anti-vomiting med via IV HAHA hardy har... It did NOTHING! And if it did help, I could not imagine where I would be without it. I have been unbearably, incapacitatingly down for the count until really today. I was seriously in bed not moving and trying not to vomit or start vomiting because if I did, I have no idea when I would have been able to stop. Ugh. I know that I should have called and gotten more meds but I honestly kept thinking that it HAD to get better at any moment! Not so much... I know that I have a  plethora of meds to choose from and know I need to be more pro active about getting them. I will admit that I am definitely gun shy about my next round.
When I missed Thankful Thursday, John said I should write a Forgetful Friday hahaha- he's a funny one that guy! But by then, I was so crappy, no posts were going to happen until now.
There are so many things I need to write. You know how I like my documentation! But it is time to get Margo from school.

Smooches, Kate

Thankful Thursday

Happy thankful Thursday! What are you thankful for today? There are just so many things happening in our lives right now that we have to be thankful for that I am implementing Thankful Thursday on the blog. It will take a lifetime of Thursdays to mention so many things great and small so be patient with me.

There have been two foundations that have helped our family so much that I will forever be grateful to both. The first one is called Helping Hands of Cincinnati. I was told about this unbelievable foundation early on in my first diagnosis and didn't get a chance to contact them for quite a while, but when I did, they were there for us and ready to help our family in any financial way we needed. They helped me prioritize my piles and piles of medical bills that were (and are) streaming in daily. Granted, they are a small organization and were only able to help to a certain amount, but what they did help with was huge to our stress level. Everyone at Helping Hands (and the story of how it began) have just been incredible. If anyone has it in their heart, PLEASE send them a donation of any amount. They are an organization built out of friendship and love and deserve any donation they can get to use toward another family struggling with the stress and ridiculous amount of bills that pile up while dealing with cancer.  Our family will forever be thankful for them!

Ellie has a very good friend that found out about the Karen Wellington Foundation through school and being the selfless and determined beauty that she is, wrote a letter and nominated myself and our family for one of their amazing vacations they donate to women living with breast cancer. Because of Maria, we are headed to the beach for a week in June! Especially with my new diagnosis, to say we need this time away as a family is a huge understatement. School will be finished. Soccer and baseball will be missed. John will not be allowed to touch his phone for work (I am not kidding JW!)
And I plan on sitting on the beach (with a beer or margarita) watching my children run and play in the sand and sun. It will be glorious. Again, The Karen Wellington Foundation is just an amazing organization that runs on donations- not only monetary but also, if you have a summer home that you can donate to them for a week for another family to use while living with breast cancer, please seriously consider a donation. There really aren't enough words to say how much just the idea of getting away somewhere has kept us all looking forward!

Again, I am just so thankful for your thoughts and prayers...words just can't express how much.

Brain train...

Again, like when I was first diagnosed, I am having a difficult time turning my brain off. Not just when I am trying to sleep, but just in general. It is not only driving me nuts, but John as well. I end up not being able to focus on anything. It is just a big circle of hot mess. :) My thought process is just one big train wreck. I go from fun things I want to do to telling myself that I have to empty the dishwasher to trying to remember Henry's soccer practice and then wanting to breathe into a paper bag- all in a 4 second time frame. Over and over and then end up not emptying the dish washer, forgetting Henry's cleats etc. Gah!
I have clearly repeated " Lord please help me focus" a million times since I was putting on Margo's shoes and asked her to hold still and she promptly said " Lawrd, please help me focUS!!" Haha
The response from everyone has been wonderfully overwhelming. Thank you. As I have said, when I know what we need, you all will be the first to know! I have completely put my pride aside because honestly, I need each and every one of you. For prayers, for laughs, for rides, for food, for child care, for strong shoulders and ears to hear my sobs after one of the children asks me to promise her I am not going to die and I can't promise her that. Thank you for your cards. For all of the masses being said and scheduled for our family. Thank you to my absolute best friend from high school Debbie Doodles for flying in last week and spending an entire day entertaining me with stories and hugs and tears and gut wrenching laughter. She has saved my mental health more times than I can count over the years and I just love her to pieces!
For right now, my biggest comfort is all of your prayers. Honestly, it is unbelievably comforting and humbling. They are needed. John and I need to really sit down and discuss all of this going on in our life. We are just right now trying to keep our heads above water trying to even fathom and grasp that our family is at war with cancer again. We are ready for the fight!
Wow, for sitting at my favorite coffee place by myself, this is getting a little heavy! The truth hurts. :)
We have been on Spring break this week and the kids have been having such fun with friends and play dates. The weather has been beautiful. Off to pick up Margo and try and get some things done!

IU chemo... It's the cool thing to do...

I would love to apologize for not posting sooner but honestly, events with my children are taking precedence over everything. By events I mean soccer, baseball, soccer, soccer... Reading, coloring, shopping etc.
I need to start with again the biggest thank you I can muster. Overwhelmed by kindness from all of you is such an understatement. Why I am surprised again by the amount of love and prayer is beyond me. But thank you. I need it, our entire family needs it.
Our meeting with my new oncologist last Wednesday went incredibly well.  So well in fact, I ended up having my new chemo there ( IU Simon Cancer Center) that day! It was kind of like going into labor- you are never quite prepared for it but there's no turning back at that point. :)
The new chemo I am on is called Carboplatin. Most probably no hair loss but definitely nausea. I can attest to the nausea- it has not been pretty. I will have it at IU every three weeks. The next one is scheduled for May 7th which I think is good luck as it is one of my favorite persons birthdays. (Holla Mr. R.!) John is going with me for that round but yes, I will be needing rides... Well, for the rest of my life since that is how long chemo will last. Ahem... Yes you read that right and yes, I am stressed, and yes, the thought of it all is very daunting. As the new Dr. Explained it... I will have this chemo every three weeks- as long as it's working. And then when it stops, I will go onto another chemo until that stops working etc. etc. etc. sigh. While I am finding the thought of all of this enormously stressful,#breathingintoapaperbag. I am also incredibly grateful that such medicine and knowledge exists.
I again have so much more to tell you but surprise surprise, soccer practice calls!

Thank you everyone- I love you bunches.

Difficult words...

I often tell the children "Once the words come out of your mouth, you can't take them back. Make sure you choose them wisely."

It has been a very difficult couple of weeks. More than I could have imagined. So much so, I am having an incredibly difficult time putting it all into words. It all deserves more than just this one post (except my 24 hours with food poisoning, we can all just skip over those details!) so I am going to be spreading them out. If I don't, I think I might just crumble.

There is a story behind these facts- how they came about, how we found out, and what our "next step" is... but again, like a band aid, let's just get down to it.

My cancer has spread not only to the lymph nodes in my neck but we also found out that it has spread to the lymph nodes around my sternum. I was originally and mistakenly told that we were only dealing with the original lymph nodes in my neck.

Since it has spread to more than one place in my body, I am now considered to have stage IV breast cancer. Stage IV is incurable yet survivable! That is what my plan is. Many survive quite a while with stage IV cancer. To say that John and I were devastated is a huge understatement. We are honestly just numb. Because of many issues with communication or the lack there of, I will no longer be working with my previous oncologist. As I have said many times in the last few weeks- this is not a hangnail we are talking about, it is my LIFE. There is no room for error.
I have been referred to an oncologist in Indianapolis and we meet with her next Wednesday for a game plan. She is nationally recognized for her work and research with breast cancer. I am forever indebted to my surgeon Dr. H for not only taking me under her wing but for coordinating this meeting so quickly. Her compassion and understanding the severity of the situation. Many people have described her as an angel. After the discussions I have had with her, I completely agree with them.

I hate telling you all about this. I feel like I am not only hurting the ones I love, but also disappointing you.  So many prayers you have put forth. So many thoughtful gifts, cards and many with your precious time. I am not going to say I'm sorry because I need you all and every person you know to literally and constantly storm heaven for us- our entire family. That is what we need the most right now.