Leap of Faith...

Good news from Wednesday! Scans showed tumors are stable. We are all very pleased and the plan is to stay on track with the clinical trial. I will have more scans in 8weeks(!) and also won't see Dr. M for 8 weeks (!!) John and I were waiting in the exam room for a longer period of time than we have had to wait before and both of us were letting our thoughts go to very negative places. It is hard not to. After Dr. M came in and told us the good news and that she is very happy with the scans, I felt so guilty. How could I have doubted God and his plan?! Why did I doubt Gods plan for me!? Yes, it is SO easy to do. It is SO easy and tempting to go down "that" path. Even with negative news that I know will eventually come, I have to trust Him. I have to have Faith and realize that I have never had total control over my lifes path. It's funny how when faced with something serious like cancer, you start looking at your life and working on things like Faith and trust when in reality, God has been guiding you since you were born. Yes, incorrect decisions have been made, yes paths have been taken that you look back on and either laugh, cry or just plain shake your head (um hello driving my 79 Volkswagen Dasher named Bob in corn fields outside Toledo in the middle of the night-you accomplices know who you are :) DM,RB,PPF,ES,MM,AA,BD ahem LOVE them all.)For now, I am grateful. Grateful that things are going our way so to speak. But it has also been a slight wake up call that I still need to believe that GOD has my back and that of my family. This is their path too. It is so humbling yet easier to accept and understand that my friends and family have my back. That your prayers are ongoing and clearly being heard. I need to focus more on trusting God at all times-good results or not. 

 

In doing so, I also need to realize that this leap of Faith isn't just accomplished alone. Like climbing a cliff and jumping off - yes those are our kids in Canada and yes, we allowed them to do this,YES I only could watch and take pictures once and it gave me instant diarrhea. But in looking at these pictures I also see everyone working together, helping each other climb toward their goal of leaping into the water. I see happiness in their accomplishment too. Just like I need to do with Gods plan for me. And I like climbing that cliff, I can't do it without all of you and am SO grateful you are helping me climb this cliff called life.

The children started back to school Wednesday. I can't believe I have a 7th, 5th, and 2nd grader (and a pre-schooler still sleeping) I am so excited for them. I am so happy for them to return to the loving halls of St. Gertrude's. We have all missed seeing friends and teachers. 

 

* Something is wrong with Blogger and is driving me crazy but I need to just post this as is and get to chores! Also, it won't let me go up and edit that we have one more part of my scans being read and will have results next week but are hoping and praying that those results will keep us moving forward as planned.

Another welcomed escape...

Hello! We are in the van on our last leg of our Canadian journey and I am risking the data overage to update.  I have missed writing and need to try and focus on getting organized and making it a priority.  
We have completed our "vacationpalooza" as John likes to call it on an island off Sioux Narrows, Ontario in Canada. We were invited by our best friends parents whom we love dearly. After spending a week with our 4 and their 4 grandchildren AND Bill,Melissa , John and myself , they may never be the same. The island is solar and generator powered. No TV. No Wifi. One outhouse (double seater as you can see by these crazy fools)

  and a composting toilet inside the cabin that is genius in my opinion.#butIneverhadtocleanitout Lots of card and game playing. Some arguing and squabbling but LOTS of laughter(see above...ahem). It was an amazing experience that I am honestly still trying to absorb.
At one point a week ago Friday, when as expected, I am frantically trying to get packed and ready for this trip, I truly contemplated the reality show Naked and Afraid might be onto something. Unpredictable weather, as far North than we have ever been, a laundry facility that consisted of some soap, a rock and a lake made packing for 6 a bit stressful. We were fine on clothing and are coming back with bags of dirty laundry and in need of some serious behind the ears scrubbing but happy. In packing, I forgot my camera charger but thought my backup battery would hold me for the week. I made it one day with my regular battery and my backup was dead. Very upsetting to say the least as you all know how I LOVE my camera. I made do with our phone cameras and Mr. R used his and I know that he has many fantastic pictures for me.
The kids spent their days starting with Mr. R making pancakes, bacon or sausage, putting on life jackets (a rule anytime you left the deck of the cabin for Margo, Henry and Ben, or for everyone out exploring in the evenings) and out on the island exploring. Swimming, fishing off the docks, catching more fish, frogs and crayfish than I could ever count, playing some extremely heated games of BS, hearts and crazy 8s. Everyday also consisted of  Mr. R and or Bill taking a boat(s) out with a group of kids (and John) fishing for Pike, Walleye or Muskie. We ended up with a couple of  fresh from the boat fish dinners and some very proud kids.
 I am so thankful not only to have this experience as a family, but to again have one with our best friends. To see a part of  the country that God made so breathtakingly beautiful has been such an incredible blessing.

To say we hit the ground running this week is an understatement. We are actually racing home now to try and make Ellie's championship basketball game at St. Gerts. Tomorrow I have my first official scan since the start of the clinical trial and go see Dr. M in Indy Wednesday for blood work and results. I feel tired but good and really can't complain about any side effects I am having as they are a million times more tolerable than any other chemo. I have been on. Unfortunately, this also comes with a huge amount of second guessing of the what ifs. Cancer surely keeps your mind constantly playing the what next game.
The girls have already started basketball and now we shall add soccer for 4- even Margo although she says she will play but will NOT kick the ball. School begins this Wednesday! I just can't believe it. Oh the many things needing to be completed between now and then. Please pass the paper bag for me to breathe into! John rightfully is not looking forward to returning to work and is also coaching Sarah's soccer and assisting with her basketball. Yes, I know it is crazy but again I refuse to not give our children the "out" they need and use to let out their worries and frustrations. Those fields and courts are essential for them.
Well, since starting this post, we have- made 2 emergency tinkle stops for Henry, (one with many tears, yelling and frustration all around) traveled many miles (some in rain, now in sun) with me only slamming on my invisible brake a handful of times and have inhaled Arby's with a 3 Tums chaser.
We are so thankful God has provided us with safe travels this far and have about 3 more hours before we see home sweet home. If only John would quit chomping and cracking his gum... :)

Life is good.

Smooches, Kate

Pretty view eh?

We are still enjoying Canada.  Back to blogging next week. Scans on Monday, results in Indy Wednesday.  Prayers appreciated!