Selfish...

It has been a week of... I can't quite put my finger on it. I am feeling very self centered and I am mad about it. I have been praying for this self centered focus to turn around. My friend Guiseppa passed away and her funeral was on Thursday. I was a mess. I feel so guilty that every part of it from the music to the readings I just kept putting myself "there" instead of her. I was just so painfully sad for her family and friends and knowing G, she would have been annoyed with me and said " ok, enough put a smile on your face, say a prayer and buck up."
I am letting little things get to me. Things people say, things I read, rude people driving (whymustyougosofast?) inconsiderate people that can't hold a door for you or say thank you when you (or my children) do. It all adds up to crabby and we all know time spent like that just is a big waste. I am praying for a new week of gratitude!

I want to focus on some really good blessings from this week also. They are abundant and not hard to find.

* Yet again for Melissa who only knew Guiseppa through me yet left a school commitment and slid right into the pew next to me at her funeral. No words needed, just such an amazing selfless friend that just knows...So many times I feel like I just suck energy from her and she keeps letting me! I did buy her lunch this week though - well I used a gift card 😄

* For friends that thought of John and myself  and invited us to the Reds game. Although they lost 5-0 sigh... It was a beautiful night to sit with them minus kids, have a beer and laugh - and a great view of Chris Heiseys...moving on...

* For my sister-in-law to come to our crazy house to watch the children, finish homework and put them to bed so we could go to the Reds Game.

* For my friend Ann taking Margo this week knowing it has been a rough one.

* For Henry's teacher, oh my goodness we are yet again so blessed for certain people in our lives and again I am so grateful especially for Henry and Sarahs teachers last year, I am again feeling that God has placed Henry with such a special teacher this year also. While crying all the way to Gs funeral, I was trying to pull myself together in the church parking lot and was reading emails as a diversion. It was there I first read such a fantastic response email from Sister MN. She is just a beautiful person inside and out. Let's just say if her email had been written "old school " with pen and paper, it would look tattered, crumpled and tear stained I have read it so many times.

* For doctors and nurses working together for me. I had a 4 month check up with my beloved Dr. H. Her kindness and loving spirit is just incredible. For her nurse M who comes in just to check on me and chat- I am sorry I gave you a hug in just my bra but I was so excited to see you. Also for Dr. M- man the feeling that she "has my back and best interest" is very comforting.

* For ridiculously generous friends getting together and putting money into a new Katebeatingcancer account that has been set up in preparation for some kind of benefit happening who knows when. I just don't have words...

* For friends checking in on me and not giving up when I don't or just can't call or text back right now-thank you

Off to our 5 soccer and basketball games today. Also grateful for gorgeous weather!

This crazy life I don't want to change...

Well, there are some things I would change. Like adding a good 4 hours to my day and more patience, and less stress, and less homework. Just like everyone right? To say we have started school and are off to the races is such an understatement! But besides the fact that I am getting dinner on the table an hour later than I want and getting kids (and myself) in bed an hour + later than I want, I am trying to stop myself from complaining. Our life is crazy right now and as exhausting as it is, I really don't want it to change that much. I am really trying to soak it in. The past couple of weeks, one of my first cancer friends so to speak has really taken a turn for the worst and has entered into hospice because honestly and unfortunately, her options have run out. I met her through the Cancer Family Care Center and she has helped me throughout this year with many things including introducing me to other "cancer friends."  She has an incredible husband and a 6 year old son whom I know she would do anything for... She also has a wonderful Faith and trust in God and has been a really nice example to me and many. I have spent so much time while driving and doing laundry and homework etc. praying for her and her family this week. Selfishly, it is also hitting very close to home. That will be me some day. Hopefully a long, long time from now but still... Let's just say, my emotions have been raw. While there is always something needing to be done around here, this week I purposefully tried to stop and think when Margo wanted me to read her some books, I did. When Henry wanted to explain his very elaborate Lego house or excitedly talk about the baby chicks hatching at school, I listened. Not all of the time unfortunately but it is something that I feel like I must focus on right now.

Fall is in the air and I love it. While I love Summer and the heat and sun, Fall is my favorite season. Windows open, sweatshirt and shorts, a million and one acorns dropping from our giant oak tree hitting the tin roof of our porch sounding like gunshots, kids crying in the morning that they are freezing- haha. I so need to get out our decorations in between many, many soccer and basketball games and practices.

John has been working non stop. As a friend put it so well yesterday, his schedule has just been a "perfect storm" of insanity. He has left for work at 4 in the morning for over a week, come home exhausted, left again to coach soccer or basketball and then has come home to do more work. * John has literally just walked in from church to tell me that this week will be no different. Ugh... He works selflessly so hard for this family and truly does not get enough recognition or praise from me or his work. Another thing to work on.

Please pray for us this week. Also for my friend Guiseppa and her family.