For once in my life, I am finding it hard to find words...

As many of you know, me being at a loss for words is very unusual to say the least!

I am just going to jump in- like a Band-Aid being ripped off..

My breast cancer has returned to the lymph nodes in/on my left clavicle. (Collar bone) I have just recently felt a lump/mass after having an achy neck for a couple of days. Fast forward to a CT scan, blood work and an ultrasound and here we are back at square one. I have an appointment with my favorite surgeon on Monday to see if we can do the biopsy in her office or if I will have to go into surgery for the biopsy. 3-5 days afterwards, we should know the type, stage and grade. This will give the oncologist the "plan of attack." I have been told that what ever the outcome, I will most definitely have to again have chemotherapy and will also have radiation. Sigh...

We told the children last night. Although we don't know our exact plan, John and I both felt it was important that they know what we do. Again, we are moving along as a team. One big strong bickering team! :) I am just so mad. I am so angry that I did EVERYTHING I was "supposed" to do. How can this be happening only three months after my last chemo treatment?! WHY in the world am I having to crush my childrens spirits and lives AGAIN!? I let them take one for the team the first time- yes, it will make them stronger and more faithful and understanding in the long run blahblahblah Now? AGAIN? Really?! I am mad... not only did I do everything I was supposed to but THEY ALL did everything that was asked of them. They "bucked up." They worked together. They happily were juggled from -granted- one fun friend to another. They put on brave fronts and prayed for me when I was at my sickest with chemo. And now we all have to repeat the same thing (or more) all over again. It just isn't fair. My children should not again have to have suck a weight on their little shoulders because of their mothers sucky genetics.

I will keep you all updated too. Thank you. All of you- my dear friends and family. You are honestly going to be what gets me through this-again. Your prayers most of all are what I am begging for. Prayers for peace and clarity. Prayers for strength for our family unit- it has taken a blow already and while I can say has made us stronger, it has not been without immense stress and struggle. Prayers for my doctors to have the wisdom to know what needs to be done and when so I can come out of this on top. Prayers for me to again realize that my anger and frustration does not help in any situation but especially this one. I know God will get us through this. I would just like to know why again...

Many hugs!

Kate

We all need brakes...

Hello from Midas! Getting our vans front brakes replaced. Yes, as painful as expected but really? It's a lot like life...it needs to be "done" do it and move forward. Speaking of "breaks/brakes," my recovery is going well except I did get a slight hand slap from my plastic surgeon- I am doing too much and it shows and is slowing my recovery...ahem. Not that this surprised me, but I will admit, seriously bummed me out. I guess I am just hoping to Spring forward! :)

 I am still just so tired! It is really kind of starting to worry me a bit. I have an appointment with Dr. W tomorrow and am planning on bringing it up to him again.

We had two gloriously sunny, warm days and I can't tell you how much just the slight glimpse of Spring has helped everyone in the W familys disposition. Just to be able to have the kids go OUTSIDE and play or to take a walk is fantastic!

Brakes are finished. I promise to check in and update more in a bit!