As many of you know, me being at a loss for words is very unusual to say the least!
I am just going to jump in- like a Band-Aid being ripped off..
My breast cancer has returned to the lymph nodes in/on my left clavicle. (Collar bone) I have just recently felt a lump/mass after having an achy neck for a couple of days. Fast forward to a CT scan, blood work and an ultrasound and here we are back at square one. I have an appointment with my favorite surgeon on Monday to see if we can do the biopsy in her office or if I will have to go into surgery for the biopsy. 3-5 days afterwards, we should know the type, stage and grade. This will give the oncologist the "plan of attack." I have been told that what ever the outcome, I will most definitely have to again have chemotherapy and will also have radiation. Sigh...
We told the children last night. Although we don't know our exact plan, John and I both felt it was important that they know what we do. Again, we are moving along as a team. One big strong bickering team! :) I am just so mad. I am so angry that I did EVERYTHING I was "supposed" to do. How can this be happening only three months after my last chemo treatment?! WHY in the world am I having to crush my childrens spirits and lives AGAIN!? I let them take one for the team the first time- yes, it will make them stronger and more faithful and understanding in the long run blahblahblah Now? AGAIN? Really?! I am mad... not only did I do everything I was supposed to but THEY ALL did everything that was asked of them. They "bucked up." They worked together. They happily were juggled from -granted- one fun friend to another. They put on brave fronts and prayed for me when I was at my sickest with chemo. And now we all have to repeat the same thing (or more) all over again. It just isn't fair. My children should not again have to have suck a weight on their little shoulders because of their mothers sucky genetics.
I will keep you all updated too. Thank you. All of you- my dear friends and family. You are honestly going to be what gets me through this-again. Your prayers most of all are what I am begging for. Prayers for peace and clarity. Prayers for strength for our family unit- it has taken a blow already and while I can say has made us stronger, it has not been without immense stress and struggle. Prayers for my doctors to have the wisdom to know what needs to be done and when so I can come out of this on top. Prayers for me to again realize that my anger and frustration does not help in any situation but especially this one. I know God will get us through this. I would just like to know why again...
Many hugs!
Kate
Oh, sweetie, I'm so so sorry. Why does this have to happen to one of the kindest, most lovely people I've ever met? I wish there was something we could do to save you from all this. Save your whole family. This sucks a big ol bag of dicks.
ReplyDeleteKate, I am stunned. You have my prayers, as always. For yourself, your husband, and your children. For your surgeon, your doctor's, and your nurses. For your extended family and family of friends. For your physical body. That all can find strength and wisdom to do whatever is necessary to get you through this trial and emerging successfully on the other side, victorious.
ReplyDeleteDebbie Milesky
I am mad at this blog update. I never thought I would read this update...I know that you are going to dig deep, you are going to find that inner strength that you don't think you have right now and continue the fight.
ReplyDeletePlease keep me posted via blog, email, text..whatever means. I know that you can only think of your children and John right now and what this means to them and how are they going to do this again. That's what the prayers that all of your warriors will continue to pray about. Many hugs and thank you again for shifting my thoughts to something (one) that is so much more important than what I "thought" was important this week. You give me many lessons and perspectives that I don't always think about on my own. THANK YOU for doing this. Love you and your kiddos and JW....fighting for you daily via prayer. Kris