Brain train...

Again, like when I was first diagnosed, I am having a difficult time turning my brain off. Not just when I am trying to sleep, but just in general. It is not only driving me nuts, but John as well. I end up not being able to focus on anything. It is just a big circle of hot mess. :) My thought process is just one big train wreck. I go from fun things I want to do to telling myself that I have to empty the dishwasher to trying to remember Henry's soccer practice and then wanting to breathe into a paper bag- all in a 4 second time frame. Over and over and then end up not emptying the dish washer, forgetting Henry's cleats etc. Gah!
I have clearly repeated " Lord please help me focus" a million times since I was putting on Margo's shoes and asked her to hold still and she promptly said " Lawrd, please help me focUS!!" Haha
The response from everyone has been wonderfully overwhelming. Thank you. As I have said, when I know what we need, you all will be the first to know! I have completely put my pride aside because honestly, I need each and every one of you. For prayers, for laughs, for rides, for food, for child care, for strong shoulders and ears to hear my sobs after one of the children asks me to promise her I am not going to die and I can't promise her that. Thank you for your cards. For all of the masses being said and scheduled for our family. Thank you to my absolute best friend from high school Debbie Doodles for flying in last week and spending an entire day entertaining me with stories and hugs and tears and gut wrenching laughter. She has saved my mental health more times than I can count over the years and I just love her to pieces!
For right now, my biggest comfort is all of your prayers. Honestly, it is unbelievably comforting and humbling. They are needed. John and I need to really sit down and discuss all of this going on in our life. We are just right now trying to keep our heads above water trying to even fathom and grasp that our family is at war with cancer again. We are ready for the fight!
Wow, for sitting at my favorite coffee place by myself, this is getting a little heavy! The truth hurts. :)
We have been on Spring break this week and the kids have been having such fun with friends and play dates. The weather has been beautiful. Off to pick up Margo and try and get some things done!