Difficult words...

I often tell the children "Once the words come out of your mouth, you can't take them back. Make sure you choose them wisely."

It has been a very difficult couple of weeks. More than I could have imagined. So much so, I am having an incredibly difficult time putting it all into words. It all deserves more than just this one post (except my 24 hours with food poisoning, we can all just skip over those details!) so I am going to be spreading them out. If I don't, I think I might just crumble.

There is a story behind these facts- how they came about, how we found out, and what our "next step" is... but again, like a band aid, let's just get down to it.

My cancer has spread not only to the lymph nodes in my neck but we also found out that it has spread to the lymph nodes around my sternum. I was originally and mistakenly told that we were only dealing with the original lymph nodes in my neck.

Since it has spread to more than one place in my body, I am now considered to have stage IV breast cancer. Stage IV is incurable yet survivable! That is what my plan is. Many survive quite a while with stage IV cancer. To say that John and I were devastated is a huge understatement. We are honestly just numb. Because of many issues with communication or the lack there of, I will no longer be working with my previous oncologist. As I have said many times in the last few weeks- this is not a hangnail we are talking about, it is my LIFE. There is no room for error.
I have been referred to an oncologist in Indianapolis and we meet with her next Wednesday for a game plan. She is nationally recognized for her work and research with breast cancer. I am forever indebted to my surgeon Dr. H for not only taking me under her wing but for coordinating this meeting so quickly. Her compassion and understanding the severity of the situation. Many people have described her as an angel. After the discussions I have had with her, I completely agree with them.

I hate telling you all about this. I feel like I am not only hurting the ones I love, but also disappointing you.  So many prayers you have put forth. So many thoughtful gifts, cards and many with your precious time. I am not going to say I'm sorry because I need you all and every person you know to literally and constantly storm heaven for us- our entire family. That is what we need the most right now.