Just...ugh...

This week has been has been utterly and completely exhausting. Radiation has been going fine. I finished my 9th radiation this morning and my last one will be Monday. I am then hoping (can't believe I am saying that) to jump straight into a new chemo. I have a slight sense of urgency for this. Because ... Of the results of my CT scan I had last Monday... It isn't good and I feel so horribly mad and bad. Like I am not only disappointing myself but everyone praying and doing so much for our family. I hate the fact that my own body is failing me. I mean sure I haven't treated it perfectly #myloveforDoritos... But it's not like I ever smoked or did drugs!
I have more metastasis in my... Liver- too many to count but 2 very large masses (4cm x 3+ cm)
                                                   Hard palate of my mouth and sinus - Wha? Huh?
                                         Lymph- just a lot of places including a chain up my jugular vein in my neck
And let's recap, And add in what we already knew- spine and brain

See, I told you I was falling apart. I feel better that again, this great team has a plan. Just as God does for me, like it or not, I am along for the ride.

Eleven years ago on July 22, I gave birth to one of the sweetest girls I know. My Sarah Ann. I can't believe she is 11! Melissa and my friend AR organized the best surprise party for her (and me,) with some of our friends and family. It was wonderful to see her truly smile. She carries the weight of the world on her shoulders and it worries me considerably.

I am unable to drive and it is oh so humbling. I also fell again- my own stupidity turning and reaching for socks. I am using a wheelchair out and about and must use a cane or preferably a walker that I just  was given today. Thank you LJ! My neuropathy and weakness is going to be an extremely slow recovery- if at all but all of the docs are hopeful. 

You just would not believe how many people have helped us out since all of this news has hit us again. Thank you just doesn't seem enough.

As you know, we are working on selling and buying houses. This seems silly, but I am asking you to please pray John and I make the best and wisest decision for our family. And that our house sells asap (Mrs. Bayer, we are getting St. Joseph to bury!) so we have the ability to make an offer on a house. After our news, I think it is safe to say John and I are feeling a hopeless sense of urgency. 

Thank you everyone for storming Heaven on our behalf - you just can't imagine the comfort we feel from your prayers.