So, Good News First or Bad?

Let's start with the bad and just move on shall we?

After my 10th and final radiation on Monday, John, Melissa and I went upstairs for our appointment with Dr.A (the oncologist) There was question of more testing before starting chemo which would require an overnight hospital stay or two. After being told that with having these tests, it wouldn't change the outcome of the chemo, we decided to just jump into chemo since I was rightfully feeling a huge sense of urgency to get these chemos into me and start killing all of the cancer cells.

Now, after giving birth to 4 children, I learned very early on you just don't ask your doctor "how big the baby is" BEFORE you must deliver the baby. There just isn't a point to it. No matter how big the baby is, the doctor is just guessing and you still have to birth said ginormous although guaranteed sweet baby. I am also going to apply this to our conversation with Dr. A last Monday. When you ask point blank, how much time he thought I have on this Earth, A. You are never going to be happy with the answer because it would never be enough time. B. Although he is a very qualified doctor, his answer is just a very scary guess.

It comes down to this. IF this chemo combo does not work at controlling the cancer AND I am too weak to continue onto another chemo, well, let's just say I didn't like his answer and I really should probably start getting my shit in order. But you know what? I will NOT give up. I want John and my children to remember that I loved them so fiercely that I would do anything to stay here with them.

Speaking of the children, I am just so worried about how they are handling the news of all of this. Clearly, they have an abridged version but still honest. It is just so horrible that I can't say " It will be fine" now I say "You will be ok" I.hate.it.

Ok enough lets talk good.

John and I had narrowed down our house choices to one we can't afford and one we really can't afford. :) Last Saturday, we had two showings on our house and found ourselves in front of the house on G. Lane. Then we drove around the neighborhood. Then back down G. Lane. Then sitting in the driveway of G. Lane. While sitting in the driveway, out of the corner of my eye, I see a hummingbird flittering around the front bushes!! Then, it zooms around the yard! And back to the bushes! Not many people know that hummingbirds have always reminded me of one of my favorite people in the world whom I considered my "Mom" for many years Ann Ward. The last time I have seen a hummingbird was outside our back porch when I was calling friends and family about my breast cancer diagnosis two years ago. I feel like a little piece of my heart was forever broken when Ann passed away from breast cancer before Sarah was born. So, you can imagine my complete freak out and sobbing upon seeing this hummingbird. We put an offer in that night and as of yesterday, barring the inspection, we are the very happy yet flipped out home owners of a beautiful house on G. Lane. It is further away from our circle of friends and family but are praying they won't mind the extra 10 minute drive to visit and help us.
Also, when I was having chemo Monday, we were sitting next to the nicest older couple. The wife was receiving chemo and she looked as defeated as I felt. I'm sure it was not the best day she has ever had. The sweet husband held her hand and was just so nice. We chatted about different things, they had twin 45 year old sons and about grandchildren etc. When our friend who blessedly and amazingly works for Dr. A. came over to check on us, we were chatting about the house on G. Lane and the husband says " We live on G. Lane!" AREYOUKIDDINGME?!?! 14 houses on the entire street and we are sitting next to each other. God is so good at giving peace. It never ceases to amaze me.

I have been told many times about The Basilica of Our Lady of Consolation in Carey, Ohio. And a really nice, hand written letter from our friend Fr. Jim encouraging me to go has prompted us to jump into action and go this Sunday. PLEASE consider joining us there for the Noon mass and to then prayerfully tour the grounds which I have heard are beautiful. I am really looking forward to it!

Ok enough, this has taken me too long to write and Melissa has 1/2 of my children! Again, thank you for your prayers and positive thoughts. For your dinners and lunches and snacks. For your wonderful cards and emails and texts. I love my village that is holding us. Thank you...