Learning to have Faith...

Hello! Hello! I owe everyone big apologies! My silence hasn't necessarily been purposeful but the few minutes I have had to write, I just am finding it hard to find the right words.
Let's go waaaaaay back to my last post. Sigh... I guess it is just what I am going to feel the rest of my life. Because the reality is, eventually, one treatment will stop working and I will begin another. So I just need to be realistic that this is going to happen. I just really don't like that little black cloud that I always seem to be running from.
So after my last post, I....um....wenttohiltonheadwithmelissaandourchildren...
Literally that night. I have to be honest. It felt wonderful to again be running from reality-to a beach no less! But I also felt horribly guilty. John was very mad-and I will leave it at that.
We had such a fun time with all of Melissa's family down there. The entertainment and laughter factor was at an all time high. We are so blessed to know and love her family- crazy Eddie and all.

The drive both ways by myself was hard and stupid. I just don't have it in me like I used to. I was remembering all of my times when I was much younger just going to the cottage in Michigan or Chicago on a complete whim, or even Toledo in one day just to say hi and get a hug from Dave and Ann (my sudo parents growing up) I need to acknowledge my limits and be honest with myself.

Returning from HHI, we hit the ground running. Ellie and Sarah  were to be at Xavier all week. One for basketball camp one for soccer. Sunday night Sarah woke up with a high fever and horrible headache that sadly lasted through her 10th (!) birthday on Tuesday.  Poor Sarah, she is just a kind and thoughtful girl that just seems to get jipped often. But again, have to feel blessed that not only did Xavier refund our money but also for our friends that happily hauled Ellie back and forth from her camp.  During this week, John and I went to see Dr. M. My next felt better than the week before but still achy. I am cautiously happy to say that our visit was short and sweet! Dr. M really thinks things are moving along well. She can feel a difference in my next and thinks that the pain and aching is/was from me fighting something off (hello germs in our house) or that we are "making the bugger mad." I will take either. She didn't see the need to order scans early so we are staying on track to have scans here on the 18th of August and see her on the 20th. To be honest, while this is probably the best news we have had walking out of IU to date, we were both more humbled than dancing for joy. It's hard not waiting for the other shoe to drop. I must work on this. I must have complete Faith that this is Gods plan.

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*It has taken me three days to write the above post! Ridiculous I know.
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Ahem.... Soon after, Ellie took her turn being sick while I was on my once a year, very fun, extremely therapeutic, full of gut wrenching laughter girls weekend that actually hasn't happened for a few years.

I adore them all so much! Anne...you were fiercely missed.

Again, thank you so much for my prayers and for checking in on me during silence. I will try and post more as we all know I am never at a lack for words!