Back in the saddle...

Well, you can say I'm back in the saddle of stress, anxiety, tears and such. We- John and my trusty sidekick with excellent penmanship Melissa went to my first Oncology appt. with Dr. Ward yesterday. Yes, his name really is Dr. Ward and if you know much about my young adulthood until present, you know for good reason, I pretty much adore anyone with the last name Ward. :) And yes, I will admit that I took his name as a sign (a good one) and also made him my first choice of Oncologists to meet with.
This Ward needs to grow on me a bit.
We had a 2:00 appointment and although we waited for him for a while, we didn't leave the building until 5:17pm. Can you say brain overload? He is very nice and easy going. He is HUGE on Clinical Trials... which if you have known me during my career life, you will also know that CTs and I have had our fun and I don't ever want to be involved in that "world" again. Or so I thought... I am for sure in one and possibly two. More on them in  another post and J and E... stop laughing hysterically.

The facts:
I am 99% sure my first chemo treatment will be August 29
This is a Thursday and I am having anxiety trying to see into the future and figure out how I will be handling the chemo and do I want my "bad" days to be on the weekends when the kids will be home or start on a Monday and have my "bad" days be more when at least 3 of the kids will be in school the majority of my day. Don't laugh, this is a HUGE stressor for me and all of the pros and cons are just telling me to just forget everything and run for the hills. Which we know I won't do.
No time is a good time to have chemo...
I will be given Taxotere and Cytoxan along with a slew of other meds to counter act the side effects of the chemos.
I will have 6 treatments every three weeks


I feel like I again am having an out of body experience...again. Yesterday, we were sitting in the room with Dr. W- John to my left and Melissa to my right and I just kept looking around thinking " Is he freaking talking to ME?!?!" " I can't stinking believe we are talking about ME?!!"

I also feel like since the second he said to start chemo on the 29th, an immediate ticking clock started in my head and just won't stop. Just like when I got my surgery date of August 1st.
Again, I know (at least I am pretty sure) I can do this. I am praying for my Faith, Wisdom and Grace even more now because I really feel like I will be needing everything I can get. Every good thought. Every prayer coming my way. Every ounce of belief I have to make sure I can get through the 6 treatments with the most grace possible to show the children that with the above all combined, wonderful blessings and good things come out of even the hardest of times.

I have many posts that I am working on so be prepared :) but honestly, I am so tired right now I just need to close these old eyes.