Baby steps

Hello from the land of drains, pain meds and walking like I am 100! Again there is so much I want to remember about the last couple of days. John and I are completely in awe at the tidal waves of love and prayers. As I have been telling the few people I have talked to, it is so hard to explain, but to feel the love and prayer envelop us the entire day of surgery is one I never want to forget. Not one time did I worry that something would go wrong. Not one time did I second guess my decision. I was more nervous on my wedding day last Thursday. I never felt scared or afraid. All because of your prayers for me. Thank you just doesn't seem enough but right now it's all I have. Prayer really does lift you up!
While both doctors have been great, Dr.H is just so extraordinary that I want to mention her so I do remember the little things. For being a breast surgeon, you can also tell she is a mother. Her advice on explaining my surgery and very strict recovery was great. One of my favorite lines was. " you are no longer Margo's mode of transportation." While we are all very aware I am Margo's best friend, many of you know that this is going to come as a shock to her...ahem... When I went into the surgery room, Dr. H was with me holding my hand and getting me situated on the table. The last thing I  remember is her holding my hand and making the sign of the cross on my forehead and saying "I am here with you, I promise to do my best and God is with you too." Then it was Cracker Jack, lights out.
The first night was a little rough. I was sick from the anesthesia and pretty much drugged to the gills. John stayed with me and again is my comfort and rock and most definitely my comedian. It brings tears to my eyes right now my love for him and for how hard he works to keep our crazy little family afloat in so many ways. I still can't believe they sent me home the next day but have to admit that being in my newly painted and decorated bedroom is wonderful. My sister Libby has been BEYOND fantastic. She has been here multiple times a day to empty my drains, answer questions, adjust my gauze and as I like to call it my straight jacket. I really do believe God has paths in our lives planned out for us. Her making this move to cincinnati last year was one of them. Again no words how happy I am to have her, Terry and Gretchen all living here. They all hug and kiss way too much, but I am getting better with this. (Lib's, you are laughing right now- I know it)
So let's get down to the nitty gritty. Friday night, dr. H called with my pathology report.
Right breast was clean
Two tumors were found in the left. One 2.5 cm, one 6mm
Both were highly aggressive grade III
DCIS was found surrounding both tumors- clearly how they started.
Clean margins we obtained all the way around- 8-12mm
* here is for the slight snafu as we are calling it...
While sentinal nodes we clear, " extensive lymphatic vascular tissue" was found within the left breast. So basically while the sentinal nodes are clear, other lymph were not.
Does this suck? Sure but again, I am on a path that I need / want to follow with the best possible outlook and attitude. (Who would have thought! ) Dr. H said that this just means the my oncologist will treat me very aggressively from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. Which I will be using as reason to John that regular pedicures will be needed!:)
I can't tell you how much I am loving everyone's cards and gifts and emails and messages and Facebook posts! Please don't stop praying, as this is just the first hurdle of many and to be honest, I need you all.
Now for some highlights... Me falling asleep mid banana breakfast just after my Valium was given. Thank you John for not taking a picture even though you have assured me many times how much restraint it took for you not to. Dr. V coming in to see us and bringing flowers. When telling him thanks, he joked that he had just delivered a baby girl and grabbed it from the room on his way out and switched the welcome baby girl card. Still adore him way too much. My beautiful vase of flowers that came to the house yesterday from "my Target Family" thank you K and S (?) the are lovely and unnecessary but have provided John with proof that I am at Target waaaaay too much and Bill amd Melissa a ridiculous amount of ammunition for years to come. John has already told me that I shouldn't be sad, my Kohls flowers should be here soon and Melissa had sent a text asking if my Chipotle and Starbucks flowers have arrived. Comedians I tell you.
I miss the kids so much it hurts. But I also know I need to take advantage of the peace and quiet now. Ellie has been able to sneak over and give hugs. When she walked in on Friday, she just burst into tears. Just more proof that their fear is masked too. Just breaks my heart. Sarah got some hugs in yesterday and seems to actually be doing the best. She is very interested in the medical/ surgery part where Ellie wants nothing to do with it. I called over to talk with Henry and Margo yesterday and while Margo was at the store with uncle mark,I got to tal to a very tearful Henry. He wants to see me and come home and am I alright and he reeaalllllyyyy wants to come home! Ugh- while I know he is having a ridiculous amount of fun and lord knoews, I hope he is behaving, it just made me sob. Again, I know right now, these few days are imperitive for me to rest and heal, I again just miss them.